The Fire Emblem Fates Half-witted AU Collection
by robotortoise
Summary: There are many Outrealms, many with very subtle differences. For instance, a rock may be twenty feet apart from Azura in one, yet forty in the next. However, a select few of these Outrealms are even sillier. One might say they were preposterous, inane, foolish, half-witted...the list goes on and on. These tales chronicle just a few of those absolutely silly alternate universes.
1. Chapter 1

**The Fates AU Where Corrin Doesn't Turn Into a Dragon**

* * *

"Mother!" Corrin cried, clutching onto his mother's fallen corpse, his anger building within. All he could think about was his mother - the sacrifice she made. If she hadn't jumped in front of him, then he would have been…he would have been…

 **Dead.**

His mother, who he'd only reunited with but a day ago…was…she was…

 **She was dead.**

"Mother…" Sakura cried, rushing forward. "Mother!"

Ryoma put an arm up, blocking her from running into harm's way. "You there!" he said after a moment. He rushed the cloaked figure, slicing upwards. Unfortunately, the figure warped as soon as he cut it, torn cloth remaining where it once stood. "Show yourself!" he cried out.

Corrin grunted, purple light pooling around his body. He hunched down on all fours, shadow enveloping him. "Hrgh…agh…"

Sakura and Ryoma's attention shifted to their brother. "Corrin?"

Ryoma's gaze shifted lower. At once, he staggered backwards, almost losing grip of his sword. "C-Corrin? Is that truly you?"

"Big brother?" Sakura whispered. "Why are you…"

"Meow," Corrin said, his tail swishing. He sat down and began to lick his paw.

"Unbelievable," Ryoma said, awed. "He has the blood of the first dragons, and yet he's...he's…"

"A cat," Sakura finished. "He's a little kitty cat."

"Meow?" Corrin asked, tilting his head. His body was covered with grey fur, a long black stripe running down his core horizontally.

"Amazing," Ryoma whispered, walking closer. Corrin backed away a step.

"No!" Sakura said, placing a hand on Ryoma's lower back. "You'll s-scare him!"

At her talking, Corrin walked backward further, tentatively resting his back paw on the ground. He mewled.

"He's confused and f-frightened," Sakura said, gently tugging Ryoma back. "We can't just run after him. He'll be scared and run off."

"This doesn't make any sense," Ryoma said after a short pause, relaxing his posture. "How and why is Corrin a house cat?"

"I-I don't know!" Sakura said softly. "But we don't have time to think about it! We need to rescue him before the assassin comes b-back."

Ryoma nodded. "I agree."

"You are the ocean's grey waves…" Azura started to sing, slowly walking towards Corrin. Her pendant began to glow with a blue, ethereal light.

"Azura, don't move closer!" Sakura cried, putting a hand up. "You'll scare him off!"

Sure enough, Corrin started to walk away, slowly. He paused, looking back at Azura hesitantly. He was shivering.

"No!" Azura cried, the lightshow suddenly halting. "Corrin, come back!"

"E-everyone, stop moving!" Sakura screeched. "I-I need to think about this!"

A part of him still recognizing her voice, Corrin halted. Azura halted. Even Ryoma was at a standstill.

"I've got it," Sakura said softly. She ran over to an upturned fish cart and began to search through it. Determination creeping through her features, she held up her haul after a few solid seconds of searching: a dead fish.

"H-here, kitty kitty," she said softly, waving it in front of her person. Corrin perked up at once, his ever-present death glare becoming less intense. He cautiously started moving towards her.

Ryoma was awestruck. "Sakura, how are you doing-"

"Shh," Azura said, clamping her hand over Ryoma's mouth. She usually wasn't so brash, but she couldn't lose Corrin. Not again.

"There you are, kitty," Sakura said. Corrin sniffed the fish a few times before gently pawing at it. Sakura placed it on the floor, and he started to nibble at it. While his head was occupied with the fish, she placed her hand on his head. Stiffening for a moment, Corrin relaxed as she began to stroke his soft fur. Sakura could feel him rumbling in contentment.

Ryoma pushed Azura's arm down. "How?" he whispered.

"I'm not quite sure," Azura admitted.

"That's a good kitty," Sakura said, rubbing the top of his head. "Who's a good kitty?" He pushed his head up against her, purring softly.

"I think Sakura has Corrin under control," Azura said. She turned, trying to find the invisible warrior that was still watching. "We need to find Mother's assassin."

Ryoma nodded. "Right. Sakura, can I leave with you with…er…Corrin, I suppose." He looked back at the cat, his mind still hazy and unable to process that his brother was now feline.

Sakura nodded. "O-of course! Even as a cat, he's still a sweetheart. Leave distracting him to me!" She took her hand away suddenly, frowning. She gently smacked the cat. "No, Corrin! No biting!"

Ryoma looked at the cat again. It licked Sakura, and she giggled quietly. "This…will take some getting used to," he said dryly.

* * *

Author's Notes: I fully blame **The Apocryphal One** for this monstrosity.

Just an FYI.


	2. AU where Corrin is still draconic, but-

**AU where Corrin is still draconic, but his clothing is decidedly not**

* * *

"You are the ocean's grey waves…" Azura sang, her hands raised level with her shoulders. Light radiated from her pendant. She continued walking forward, towards the growling, hideous dragon. "Destined to seek life beyond the shore, just out of-" Corrin's dragon form slashed out at her, pinning her to the ground by her neck. She gasped; her airway was almost cut off.

"Kill me if you must," she said quietly, her eyes pleading and tearful, "but do it as yourself." She stared into his face. He had no eyes.

…How creepy.

Suddenly, light began to stream out of Corrin's dragon form, and he slowly shrunk until he was his normal size. He collapsed on the ground, panting, on his hands and knees.

"Azura…" Corrin began.

"Don't come any closer!" Azura suddenly moved her hand to directly over her eyes, and she turned her face away. "Please!"

Corrin looked to Ryoma, confused. "Brother…" He pushed on his hands, standing up slowly.

Hm. That was certainly strange. His gloves were gone! Not only that, but he noticed a very familiar dangling sensation directly below his stomach, which was rather odd. Usually, he only felt like that when he wasn't wearing...

Hold on.

 _Oh, gods._ Perturbed, Corrin looked down. Unfortunately, it confirmed his worst fear: In his sudden transformation, he had ripped his clothing to shreds, leaving him absolutely…

"Naked!" Ryoma cried, shielding Sakura's tiny eyes with his very big hand. "Gods, you're absolutely naked!"

"I'm aware of that now!" Corrin replied, absolutely horrified. He tried to use his hands to cover his crotch.

It helped, but only a bit.

"Why am I naked?" Corrin cried much too loudly.

Azura's eyes were wide, her lips pursed. She was staring straight at him.

"Azura?" Corrin asked.

"O-Oh!" Her cheeks burned and she jumped. "My apologizes! Corrin, err..." Azura trailed off, her gaze fixated on his chest.

Corrin blinked, standing there silently.

Azura opened her mouth to speak, but then shut it as she noticed what was below his chest – his lower regions! Completely naked!

She continued gawking.

More silence passed.

"Well?" Corrin finally asked. "Azura, are you alright?"

Azura frowned. "Of course I'm alright. Why would I not be?"

"Well…" Corrin shifted his feet. "You've been staring at me for quite a while. And I am naked. If I didn't know any better, I'd think this was inappropriate."

Azura blinked. Indeed, she had been staring for a solid while. Her cheeks burned, and she quickly turned around. "Oh! Corrin, I… I do apologize! I simply got lost in myself for a moment." She paused, contemplating this. "I think… I think your clothes must have ripped off during your transformation."

"W-what shall we do?" Sakura asked, her eyes still squeezed tight.

Corrin thought about this. "I'll suppose I'll find some clothes," he eventually said. "Most of the townspeople ran off in the chaos, and I saw a clothing stall earlier that I can borrow from."

Ryoma raised an eyebrow.

"I'll leave payment on the counter, of course," he clarified. "I'm not a rapscallion."

"That's fair," Ryoma said. "Go."

"You don't need to tell me twice," Corrin said, scurrying off.

Azura turned around, getting a nice view of his tush before he disappeared around the corner. She blinked.

Ryoma removed his hand from Sakura's face. She exhaled, relieved.

"A-are you two o-okay?" Sakura asked, her face stern.

"We can grieve later," said Ryoma. "Right now, our most important concern is returning to the castle unharmed. There could be others lying in wait."

"I-if you say so."

 _He certainly looks like royalty_ , Azura thought. She smiled involuntarily.

"Azura?" Sakura asked. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes," Azura said, looking ahead. Corrin ran forward, waving and galloping jollily, blissfully not thinking about his now-deceased mother. She looked to him, and her smile grew. "I think I'm going to be just fine."

Corrin smiled back.

* * *

Special thanks to TheRepeat for editing this and giving general advice.

I don't even remember how I thought of this one. Anyway, I have a job now and am going to therapy! So I'm not depressed and whatever.

Look forward to more story updates – all of my stories - in the future!


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